What do I do now? I want a divorce but I'm stuck!?

I have been with my husband for 17 years now. We are both in our 40's and have a 6 year old child together. I will not bore you with details but I have found a back-bone that I have been missing all my life. I cut my family out of my life (my mother is deranged and tried to kidnap my child while in a grocery store in broad daylight...thankfully someone stopped her and she didn't get too far). My brother is a convicted felon for stealing firearms from a residence and money from his employer. My sister is not stable and is known to have a drug issue. The only family that I have is my in-laws which in the case of divorce they will take sides with my husband of course. And friends? All the friends I am allowed or was ever allowed to have was either wives or girlfriends of his buddies. And one of his friends that I trusted knows this is going on between us and said that unfortunately he would have to side with my husband. So there went any hope of that person to lean on! I want to divorce my husband because I cannot get passed his previous indisgressions or his passive aggressive behavior anymore. I can't deal with it!! Years of pleading to go to a counselor or therapy or even church was all "okay lets do it" but when I made the arrangements it was always "yeah i don't think that's such a good idea cuz therapy leads to more divorce and fights than you go in with". So here I have been stuck for years. I am the sole caretaker of our child. He says he helps but he doesn't. (Remember passive aggressive behavior lets them believe that they are never at fault and if something is said about their lack of behavior it has to be something else besides them.) So I decide that I am not doing this anymore because it's preventing me from being the happy good person that I am and want to be. It's effecting my parenting and just everything in my life. I know that I can do this on my own. I am not scared of being alone or having to sacrifice. I've done that all my life. My child is now feeling the full effect at the age of 6 of daddy and how he really is. I am accused of putting these things into my child's head but I have not and our kid figured it out. Anyways... I have decided that I want to go forward regardless of what my husband wants. I have gotten a better job with significant pay and health/dental benefits I can afford through work for me and my child. I have been trying to save...the type of business that I am in I have to have a payroll account which my paycheck is direct deposited into and because it is a payroll account my husband cannot touch it. Before, I would have to take my entire paycheck and deposit into his account that did not have my name on it and I would have to ask him for money and tell him exactly what it was for. Then show receipts. Not anymore! But lately he's been telling me that he needs money...I give him a specific amount that should cover my parts of household bills. The extra he is asking for has been in amounts of $400-$500 or more and it drained any amounts of savings that I was going to use to leave and get my own place with. I feel that he's controlling me again by taking my money so I can't leave. I've tried government agentcies but I have to be divorced or separated to get any help and I can't get out to get those services! I am stuck in pergatory!!! There is no saving this marriage and I don't even want to try. Those days have come and gone. And I feel that if my kid can figure out what's going on then it's got to be bad. I have no idea what to do here...he knows I want a divorce and I want to leave. He tells me that he doesn't want a divorce...he doesn't want to lose me or our child. I told him that I would never keep him from seeing our child and his response is "well eventually it will come down to me never seeing him/her again because you will start seeing someone else and start over and do you really think that I want to be around that? Forget it!" my response to that is "then that is your decision and it's a pretty [crappy] one at that!" He's all about appearances and how things look to people. He's very materialistic. He never once said anything about "we'll work it out" or take some time apart to regroup. It's always "What will my friends think? You know how this will hurt my family if you leave? What's this going to look like to everyone? If you leave I will have to sell the house (our house is paid off and there is no mortgage thanks to me) because I can't afford it alone." and his own mother (who I am not close with at all) was visiting from out of state and she picked up on our unhappiness right away and told me that it's not worth my own happiness to stay just because of his silliness. So that's kinda my story. Basically, I want out...he doesn't...